“Please don’t let me blow shit up,” She said.
It was literally one of the first things she said to me when she came into my office that day—a stranger, who would soon become my client. I smiled at her as she plopped down on my couch that day, because I knew. And so did she, it seems, as her eyes met mine.
She was absolutely going to blow some shit up.
Because that’s often how it goes with me and my clients—we tried to hide our deepest desires in plain sight, hoping no one notices. And also hoping they do.
I don’t want everything to change at once.
I’m terrified you’re going to tell me to quit my job (or leave my marriage…)
I don’t want to freak them (or him, or me) out—they can’t handle that (read: me) now.
I know change takes time and is hard work, so need to be patient and smart about this.
I’m worried if I start, I won’t be able to stop.
I want to crack this shit wide open.
I want to take it all apart and see what’s there
All of this? It’s powerful energy for change. Hearing it lights me up like a Christmas tree. Feeling it, though, makes me shit my pants. Both of those reactions serve me well in my work, because fear and desire are constant and familiar traveling companions of mine. I know them well, and they know me.
But what are we told and taught about fear in our society? Be fearless! Fake it ‘til you make it! Don’t let them see you sweat! Get over it! Simply put, we are taught that our fear is not valuable or of service in creating change, and that the best course of action is to pretend it’s not there, ignore it, or push through it.
The tricky thing is: that doesn’t work.
All that does is ask us to lie to ourselves at a time when we are seeking to invest more deeply in our truth.
And what about desire? As women, we are told countless ways that this is something that lives almost exclusively in the realm of sex. Specifically, it’s relegated to how others perceive and experience us and our bodies—as in being desirable—which keep us looking for validation and affirmation outside ourselves.
Now you and I know both of these things are complete and utter bullshit.
So then the question that really lived at the heart of my client that day is not about resisting her urge to blow things up, but honoring it.
Want to read more? The above excerpt is right off the pages from the unedited manuscript of my upcoming second book: Witch Ways: You’re Not Crazy. You’re a Woman. If you want to read more about what’s coming in that book, where it came from and when it’s coming out, please check out my GoFundMe page for access to five sample chapters read by me via SoundCloud, and updates on where I am in the publishing process. I may be the birth-mother of this book, but you are its lifeblood, so this is indeed a book that is truly powered by women for women. Thank you for all of your enthusiastic support in helping me get this into your hands sooner than later!